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My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big #$&% red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.
Old Age Problem
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing' it between her knees, but
The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.??
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
Two little old ladies were sitting on
a park bench outside the local town hall
where a flower show was in progress.
The thin one leaned over and said,
'Life is so boring. We never have any fun
any more. For $10 I'd take my clothes off
and streak through that stupid flower show!'
'You're on!' said the other old lady,
holding up a $10 bill.
The first little old lady slowly fumbled
her way out of her clothes and,
completely naked, streaked (as fast
as an old lady can) through the front door
of the flower show.
Waiting outside, her friend soon heard
a huge commotion inside the hall, followed
by loud applause and shrill whistling.
Finally, the smiling and naked old lady
came through the exit door surrounded
by a cheering crowd.
'What happened?' asked her waiting friend.
'I won 1st prize as 'Best Dried Arrangement'.